Showing posts with label #fallnails. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #fallnails. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Shivers

David Cronenberg's Shivers is such a TERRIBLE movie. Let's talk about it. Also, I meant to post this in the fall so let's pretend that it's not January 4.
 
My Colors
 
(from green nail polish going clockwise) Pretty Edgy by Essie, Jana by Zoya, Jancyn by Zoya, Lilou by Julep, Black Sketch by Milani, Blanc by Essie and Fishnet Stockings by Essie.

First, I painted my nails with Blanc.


Now it's time to paint a tree. I started by painting the branches.


Next, I added orange leaves. On my middle nail, I painted dots on the tree branches and a few dots on the ground. On my other nails, I painted a combo of dots and deformed looking stars to represent my leaves.


Then I added red leaves.


Next, I added yellow and green leaves.


Yay leaf nails! PS I knit those fingerless gloves! 😻

 
Shivers
 
I usually find something redeeming about my horror film of the week, but I SUPER disliked this one. Shivers takes place in a sterile, uniform apartment building in Canada. The film opens with a yuppie couple touring an apartment. In the unit next door, Doctor Hobbs, this old creepy guy who's doing weird experiments, is murdering his teenage mistress. Yay!

Doctor Hobbes believes that humanity has become too rational and lost contact with its natural instincts. So he develops a parasite that's half-STD, half-aphrodisiac and plans to release it. (Because parasitic infection is always the solution. Like, that time NEVER when all of humanity got hookworm and suddenly world peace and prosperity were achieved). Doctor Hobbes infects his 19-year-old mistress with the parasite, but then realizes how dangerous it is. In an effort to save others, he kills his mistress and commits suicide. But oopsie, the mistress has already had sex with a bunch of people in their apartment building. For the next 70 minutes, everyone in the building gets infected with a parasite that makes them act like sexually aggressive zombies. So fun!

The movie annoyed me because the plot made no sense and the details of the parasite's transmission were not consistent. And when it comes to super bloody films about STD-parasites, I at least expect my parasitic method of transmission to be effing consistent. One guy had the parasite crawl out of his body like a worm. Then his little parasite worm friend bit other people and infected them. He was the only one who experienced this parasite worm situation. Everyone else transmitted the disease through sexual intercourse.

A lot of other people hated this movie too and wrote real angry articles about it. Shivers was partially financed by the Canadian Film Development Corporation, a taxpayer-funded organization that was created in an effort to kick-start Canada's film industry and bring Canada to Hollywood's level of prestige (lol). Canadian journalist, Robert Fulford wrote an article called, "You Should Know How Bad This Film Is. After All, You Paid For It". OMG so sassy I love it! My favorite line: "If using public money to produce films like Shivers is the only way that English Canada can have a film industry, then perhaps English Canada should not have a film industry." Oh, Robert Fulford, I celebrate you!

Monday, October 10, 2016

Creature from the Autumnal Lagoon

WARNING! Painfully seasonal nails are ahead. There will be leaves. There will be trendy dark greens and muted neutrals. There will be organic granny smith apples. Then suddenly a creature will appear from a black lagoon and eat you!

My Colors

 

(from left to right) Black Sketch by Milani, Delight by Chanel, Fishnet Stockings by Essie, Yara by Zoya, Jana by Zoya, Jancyn by Zoya and Avery by Zoya.

First, I painted my nails gold.


Then I added leaves. I painted my leaves in all different colors! Drawing a leaf, was like drawing a short, fat, Christmas tree. Here are two of my leaves. Let's watch them grow!


Next, I outlined my leaves in black.


Then I added the leaf veins and a little leaf stem.


Get ready for some super effing autumnal pictures of my fall nails.


Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 

Here's everything you need to know about Creature from the Black Lagoon.

1. Everyone's hat game is on point.


2. It's surprisingly respectful towards women.

I went into Creature from the Black Lagoon ready to write about the film's horrible sexism. I mean, just look at the movie poster.


Get at me weak female characters who are nothing but sex objects. When the monster comes, you aren't going to do anything productive, like fight it or run away. No! Instead, you'll lie on the ground, screaming until a strong man arrives to save you.

I was so wrong! Creature from the Black Lagoon is about a geology expedition that goes to the Amazon to uncover fossils and then realizes that said fossils belong to a creature that wants to eat them. Yay! The lead female character, Kay, is super badass! She drives boats in the rainforest, she is very knowledgeable about science and she's a respected member of her team. One of her co-workers actually congratulates her for her 'valuable research'. You go girl!

3. BUT it's not totally #socialjustice.

Kay is on a team with four dudes: David, Mark, Carl and Edwin. Oh sorry, I meant Dr. David, Dr. Carl, Dr. Mark and Dr. Edwin. Obviously, ladies can't be doctors.

Furthermore, all the "doctors" in this movie are macho idiots. They are far more focused on killing the monster than doing the scientific work that they were sent to the Amazon to accomplish. At one point Dr. David and Dr. Mark fist fight each other for the chance to jump into the water and murder the creature. While Kay is categorizing fossils and doing actual science, the "doctors" are smoking pipes and being super hype about getting into their little swim trunks and shooting some underwater arrows. And I'm supposed to believe that these dudes deserve PhDs?

4. There's super silly 'the monster is coming' music.

This theme song is played every time the monster appears (this ends up being around 130 times according to film scholar, David Schecter).



5. The technology is very 1950s and very precious.

Want to see a big, silly apparatus? Check out this very practical underwater camera.