This week I'm watching Ganja & Hess and doing a scalloped french manicure on my nails.
My Colors
(from left to right) Kristen by Zoya & Trophy Wife by Essie
First, paint your nails with Kristen. Lately, I've been really into ugly, boring colors. Whites, greys and muted pastels are kind of my jam! Give me a hideous dull grey and I am one happy little kitty! Meow.
Kristen by Zoya
Yeah I wore this shirt three times this week. Whatever I'm over it.
A Quick Summary of Ganja & Hess
Ganja & Hess is a film about this rich guy who is hairy and pleasing to look at, Dr. Hess, who is stabbed with a knife from Africa and becomes a vampire (with eternal life btw). Then he has sex with like 5 women. After sexy time he has this vision of an African lady covered in feathers leading a bunch of children through a field and singing an African chant (that can so easily get stuck in your head. UGHHH get out of my head African chant!). Then he kills his sexual partner and drinks her blood.
Halfway through the movie this woman calls Hess on the phone and is like "you are going to pick me up at the airport and let me stay at your house." Her name is Ganja (wtf?). She was married to this guy named George (who killed himself at the beginning of the movie and then Dr. Hess drank all his blood). Ganja is really fun to look at but kind of sucks otherwise.
She complains a lot and is weirdly particular about how she likes her grits and grape jelly to be prepared. Dr. Hess and Ganja have sex after knowing each other for like 3 minutes, but Dr. Hess doesn't kill her. Then Ganja goes exploring in Dr. Hess' house and finds her husband's dead body in his freezer. First she's really upset but 3 minutes later she's like whatevs and marries Dr. Hess. After the ceremony they are sitting in bed and Hess is like "Do you think I'm crazy?" and Ganja is like "Everyone is a little crazy." (Umm excuse me Ganja but since when is "haha everyone is a little loony and weird" mean "haha everyone accidentally kills people sometimes. Ooops whatever.")
Then Dr. Hess stabs Ganja with the Africa knife so that she can be a vampire too (because apparently their shared hobbies of being pretty and yelling at servants didn't give them enough to talk about. Both having sex with randos and then killing them has really strengthened their marriage? After Ganja has sex with her first rando and then kills him, she and hubby take opposite ends of the dead body wrapped in plastic, carry it into a field and dump it there. AWW so cute! Best date ever!!!)
Ganja & Hess
Then Dr. Hess goes to church and has some sort of religious experience. When he returns home he touches this wooden cross that is hanging in his house and rando dies. Then Ganja looks out the window and has a vision of Dr. Hess getting out of the pool and running towards her. He is very naked. There is penis everywhere. THE END.
HAHA WHAT?? Obviously, reading more about Ganja & Hess was very helpful.
The film is interesting because the narrator changes throughout the film. The viewer is never sure who is telling the story: the minister, George, Ganja or Hess. The camera angles change to show whose viewpoint you are seeing the film through. For example, Ganja is shown negatively in the beginning (when she is rude/generally sucks) because the film is shown through the minister's eyes and he sees her as a sinner. Later on she is kind and warm when she has a heart to heart with Hess about her childhood. Clearly she has taken over the narration station at this point.
Mmkay Nail Polish
Once your polish is dry, it's scalloped French Manicure time!
Trophy Wife by Essie
First, put three dots of Trophy Wife at the top of your nail. Put a good amount of nail polish in these little blobs because you'll need to move the color around in the next step.
Tooth pick time! Take the tooth pick and connect the circles to each other in a scalloped pattern. Apply light pressure to the tooth pick and try to move the polish at the surface of the three blobs. If you apply too much pressure then bad stuff happens so DON'T DO THAT.
Apply a top coat and you are done!
