My Colors
(from left to right) Jana by Zoya, Jancyn by Zoya, Kristen by Zoya, White Canvas by Milani, Black Sketch by Milani, Blue Print by Milani, Blanc by Essie, Fishnet Stockings by Essie, Mod Squad by Essie and Lilou by Julep.
First I painted my nails with Kristen.
Then I outlined my snowpeople by drawing figure 8s.
I filled in my figure 8s with Blanc.
I wanted to give all my little snowpeople their own individual looks. Using a toothpick and all the patience that exists in the world, I painted scarves, hats, corn cob pipes, button noses and two eyes made out of coal. Oh and one evil snowman with an axe in his little stick hand!
Here's my left hand.
Such a cute little murder-y snowman!
And my right.
Devil's Pass (2013)
Devil's Pass is about five University of Oregon students who go to the Ural Mountains in Russia to film a documentary about the Dyatlov Pass Incident. True Story: in 1959 nine Russian hikers mysteriously died at Dyatlov Pass in the Ural Mountains. In the middle of the night, they frantically burst out of their tents in little clothing and froze to death. No one knows exactly what happened at Dyatlov Pass but it has inspired lots of crazy conspiracy theories involving aliens, ancient tribes, and Russian government cover-ups.
Devil's Pass was an overall terrible movie. The plot is really complicated. Halfway through, the story takes a sharp turn from being about the Dyatlov Pass Incident and instead decides to focus on wormholes and time traveling teleportation. I could go on and on about the dumpster fire of a plot, however, I mostly hated this movie because the characters were so unlikeable that you were kind of excited for them to all die.
1. Denise: The only rational one
I was kind of ok with Denise. Throughout the entire movie she's like, it's cold and we should get the eff out of here. Correct Denise! You should get the eff out of there.
Sadly, Denise is the first to die. There's a sudden avalanche at their campsite. The group runs from the snow but unfortunately, Denise gets buried. (Hiking fact: 90% of people can survive under the snow for 5 minutes and 30% can survive for up to 45 minutes).
This group of "hiking experts" didn't seem aware of this well-known fact. The second Denise is buried, everyone is like OK let's accept this new reality where Denise is dead. Our next steps are:
Devil's Pass was an overall terrible movie. The plot is really complicated. Halfway through, the story takes a sharp turn from being about the Dyatlov Pass Incident and instead decides to focus on wormholes and time traveling teleportation. I could go on and on about the dumpster fire of a plot, however, I mostly hated this movie because the characters were so unlikeable that you were kind of excited for them to all die.
The Five Characters Ranked from my Least to Most Hated
I was kind of ok with Denise. Throughout the entire movie she's like, it's cold and we should get the eff out of here. Correct Denise! You should get the eff out of there.
Sadly, Denise is the first to die. There's a sudden avalanche at their campsite. The group runs from the snow but unfortunately, Denise gets buried. (Hiking fact: 90% of people can survive under the snow for 5 minutes and 30% can survive for up to 45 minutes).
This group of "hiking experts" didn't seem aware of this well-known fact. The second Denise is buried, everyone is like OK let's accept this new reality where Denise is dead. Our next steps are:
- Let's film the whole thing rather than actually help Denise
- Let's yell about how we all wanted to bang Denise and fight over who cared about her most
- Let's argue about how the Russian military definitely caused this avalanche
2. JP: The trust fund baby/brooding intellectual philosophy major
Before college JP hiked the Himalayas for a year, however, he knows nothing about surviving an avalanche. And yes, he brought Slaughterhouse Five with him and is SUPER annoying about it but compared to these other idiots, he's not THAT awful.
3. Andy: The Appalachian Trail douche bag/frat star
Andy is the other "hiking expert" in the group who knows nothing about the outdoors. He hiked The Appalachian Trail and he's going to make sure you know that. One hiking lesson he has mastered is the trail hookup. Every time he goes on a hike, he finds a girl to hookup with and films their sexy time. Now, this is the kind of guy I'd want to invite along on my super dangerous Russian hiking trip. You're the worst Andy.
4. Jensen: The amateur conspiracy theorist/douchey American college student abroad stereotype
At the beginning of the film, the group walks into a desolate bar in the middle of nowhere Russia. Jensen goes up to the bartender to order drinks and says, "We are young attractive people in a foreign land, and we'd like a drink." This is the moment that ignited my Jensen hate fire and, trust me, the fire never went out. Throughout the movie, Jensen is either personifying everything that is wrong with America OR spewing conspiracy theory nonsense. The greatest tragedy of the film was that Jensen didn't die in the first five minutes.
5. Holly: The cuckoo bananas Russia enthusiast/peppy optimist who forced everyone to go on this trip in the first place
Holly gives off a strong teacher’s pet, first student to raise her hand in class, overachiever vibe. Her academic passions include the Dyatlov Pass Incident and Russia. When they arrive in Russia, she is so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about hiking in the same treacherous, snow-covered mountains where nine hikers tragically froze to death in 1959. She totally fangirls over the nine hikers and knows all of their names. She especially connects with the female hiker who froze to death and was found with a high dose of radioactive contamination on her clothing.
Holly wants to pay tribute to her nine heroes, so when she reaches Dyatlov Pass she whips out some red spray paint and outlines the nine hikers’ bodies in the snow. She then takes nine wooden poles from her backpack, each with a picture of one of the hikers attached to it, and sticks each pole in the snow next to one of the red outlines. She films it.
From my vast experience backcountry hiking once in Peru (in which porters carried most of my camping equipment and a fabulous chef cooked all my meals), I learned that hiking with even a 25-pound backpack is exhausting. You obviously want to pack light. So, how the hell did Holly manage to hike 14+ miles up a snow-covered mountain with all of this heavy shit? Like did Holly say to her four companions, Hey, can you guys carry all our food, tents, sleeping bags, pots and pans, filming equipment and the boom mic? I really need to save room in my backpack for nine 3-foot long wooden poles with the pictures of the Dyatlov hikers attached to them and a can of red spray paint.
Before college JP hiked the Himalayas for a year, however, he knows nothing about surviving an avalanche. And yes, he brought Slaughterhouse Five with him and is SUPER annoying about it but compared to these other idiots, he's not THAT awful.
3. Andy: The Appalachian Trail douche bag/frat star
Andy is the other "hiking expert" in the group who knows nothing about the outdoors. He hiked The Appalachian Trail and he's going to make sure you know that. One hiking lesson he has mastered is the trail hookup. Every time he goes on a hike, he finds a girl to hookup with and films their sexy time. Now, this is the kind of guy I'd want to invite along on my super dangerous Russian hiking trip. You're the worst Andy.
4. Jensen: The amateur conspiracy theorist/douchey American college student abroad stereotype
At the beginning of the film, the group walks into a desolate bar in the middle of nowhere Russia. Jensen goes up to the bartender to order drinks and says, "We are young attractive people in a foreign land, and we'd like a drink." This is the moment that ignited my Jensen hate fire and, trust me, the fire never went out. Throughout the movie, Jensen is either personifying everything that is wrong with America OR spewing conspiracy theory nonsense. The greatest tragedy of the film was that Jensen didn't die in the first five minutes.
5. Holly: The cuckoo bananas Russia enthusiast/peppy optimist who forced everyone to go on this trip in the first place
Holly gives off a strong teacher’s pet, first student to raise her hand in class, overachiever vibe. Her academic passions include the Dyatlov Pass Incident and Russia. When they arrive in Russia, she is so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about hiking in the same treacherous, snow-covered mountains where nine hikers tragically froze to death in 1959. She totally fangirls over the nine hikers and knows all of their names. She especially connects with the female hiker who froze to death and was found with a high dose of radioactive contamination on her clothing.
Holly wants to pay tribute to her nine heroes, so when she reaches Dyatlov Pass she whips out some red spray paint and outlines the nine hikers’ bodies in the snow. She then takes nine wooden poles from her backpack, each with a picture of one of the hikers attached to it, and sticks each pole in the snow next to one of the red outlines. She films it.
